Lately I've noticed that so many don't seem to understand that being a friend often means putting a little effort into it.
I'm almost to the point where I am staying off Facebook because of the rabid political posts on both sides. I still email and I do Messenger. And I'm one of those old fashioned folks who writes letters and cards.
However, I've noticed that other than two people who are honest to goodness friends, I'm the one who does the reaching out. And to be honest, I'm weary of it. If I don't call, write, message, or email first, I don't hear from them. Most then respond, but then nothing. Yesterday it all sort of hit me all at once. There are a couple of people who we email at least once a day. But, I didn't hear from anyone yesterday.
I'll admit it, my feelings were hurt. It didn't have to be a message the size of a small book. And I had emailed in the morning like I almost always do.
Today, I didn't email. I figured I would wait and see. This afternoon one did respond and basically blamed me because she hadn't received a message from me. Really? I'm the only one who can start?
I just don't understand, I guess. I thought relationships take some effort on both ends. And I'm just feeling like I'm being taken for granted.
I don't want to lose friends, but I'd like to be the recipient of a message that wasn't a reply to mine. Guess I'm picky.
The Care and Feeding of Friendship
September 29th, 2018 at 08:56 pm
September 29th, 2018 at 10:35 pm 1538260500
The odd thing is that I connected with a couple of old friends recently and they complained about losing touch with others and I asked them did you message them or call or text or anything?
this very thing has lost me many friends as I could not keep up with being always the person who connected then when we did anything it seemed like I was always the person whom drove out of my way ect. I got tired of it so slowing just quit reaching out now it has been a long time I think about sending a message then I just get mad that if the friendship meant anything to the other person they could have called/ text or any sort of communication.
September 29th, 2018 at 10:59 pm 1538261992
September 30th, 2018 at 12:22 am 1538266952
September 30th, 2018 at 02:14 am 1538273647
Maybe consider whether your friends have competing priorities. Or maybe they are more introverted. I guess if's very lopsided though, like you invest in the relationship and they ask for favors but never reciprocate, then it could be a relationship to evaluate.
September 30th, 2018 at 03:37 am 1538278675
September 30th, 2018 at 04:00 am 1538280055
October 2nd, 2018 at 01:05 am 1538442315
October 3rd, 2018 at 07:29 pm 1538594981
I sometimes have to reach out several times before I can get someone to respond, and getting them to agree to meet is even harder. People are so overbooked and busy these days.
At least they don't guilt me when I DON'T reach out. That would really irritate me! I do understand what I'm contending with: I've got friends with new significant others. Friends in college. Friends whose kids are in sports. Friends planning weddings. So I don't take it personally. My one friend with no such obligations is in frequent contact with me, but she's in another country so we don't hang out in person very often.
When we do get in touch it's fun and great, so for now it's worth the effort. I don't want my social circle to shrink any more than it has, in fact I'd like it to be a little bigger. Not only do I enjoy connecting with people but I know it's very beneficial for mental and even physical well-being.