I'm sort of feeling sorry for myself. Then I'm beating myself up over feeling sorry for myself.
Our school district started state testing last week. I am in charge of it for my school so I get to work early and get the computer lab ready and I help each classroom teacher as the class tests. I shred scratch paper, and fill out paperwork. Then, before and after testing, I do part of my regular job.
On Friday I was exhausted. After supper we went to the grocery store (DH had already made the Aldi run earlier in the day) and came home, put things away, and tried to relax. I wanted to watch Dateline, but found myself dozing off.
Went to bed and slept hard for awhile, then woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep thinking of all the things I needed to do at both home and work. Saturday was running errands and cleaning. Sunday was church, cooking, and paying bills and reconciling the checkbook. I then checked emails and Facebook and saw all these photos of folks having all this fun.
Hence, the pity party. I have to go to bed early because I need lots of rest or I become ill. I keep to a cleaning schedule because of my allergies and because I like a clean house. I keep to a bill paying schedule to keep tabs on my finances. I attend church because it is important to my faith.
Yet, I see some of these same people who complain about their homes and upkeep, claim to be more involved at church than I am, and gripe about money. I don't know if I'm truly jealous because I can't go out of town on a weekend during the school year or do a bunch of fun things because it would exhaust me or if I'm just so tired that things are getting on my nerves.
Deep down I know I am truly blessed. So, I start telling myself I'm not very grateful for all the things I have in my life. I have a wonderful husband. I have a lovely home. I'm lucky to have a nice home that I can clean. With my health history, I'm fortunate that I haven't had too many illnesses lately. I have to work on the keeping healthy party -- eating right, exercising, and getting enough rest.
So, now I grapple with this...am I feeling sorry for myself or am I just irritable because I'm tired?
Pity Party or Exhaustion?
May 4th, 2015 at 11:41 pm
May 5th, 2015 at 01:53 am 1430790823
But I am exhausted all the time, and then I get cranky too. I know it's only temporary and I will be able to cut back to my main job in about 2 years.
Maybe you can find a compromise between having time to have fun and all of the other necessities? My house could be a ton cleaner than it is, but I choose to go out with my kids instead.
Just try and find your happy medium!
May 5th, 2015 at 03:30 am 1430796620
May 5th, 2015 at 10:54 am 1430823247
May 5th, 2015 at 01:35 pm 1430832922
I have to steel myself to even look at Facebook. I do it only to keep up on what my DIL's post about the children. My life is so exponentially different than what is posted as the "norm." (Which I know is completely fake.) And I know I don't even want that life, I want mine, simple and free, and guided by sincerity and truth. I say, pull back from Facebook as much as you can, ESPECIALLY if it makes you unhappy.
May 5th, 2015 at 09:29 pm 1430861370
May 7th, 2015 at 02:51 am 1430967112
I hope you've been able to get some good rest!