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Innocent until proven guilty

May 19th, 2010 at 04:58 pm

Last Monday my husband cornered me with the newspaper in hand and asked me if I was guilty. Guilty? Me?

Well, it seems there was a letter in the Dear Abby column and he thought maybe I wrote it. Seems the person who wrote it told Ms. Abby that they had some friends over for dinner a few times and this couple has not reciprocated. What really frosted the writer was this couple will often brag about the other folks they have invited over and all the different things they served and how much fun it was. And the write explained how hurtful it was to them who have not been invited.

I am innocent. I didnít write the letter. But I could have. We know a couple just like that. Weíve had them as guests 4-5 times. Yet no dinner invite or meal out or whatever. But this gal brags nonstop about the meals she fixes when she invites these other people over. And it hurts. My husband says we must be pond scum.

Ms. Abby suggested they no longer remain friends with this couple. Sound great in print, doesnít it? But, friends are still to be cherished even if they arenít always kind. So, weíll remain friends with them. We just wonít invite them over again.

And that, my friends is my story and Iím sticking to it!

8 Responses to “Innocent until proven guilty”

  1. nmboone Says:

    I have an old friend that I don't see much anymore. We used to be roommates, and I was in her wedding. We would occasionally hang out but in the last few years she would make plans and then cancel every single time. One time she canceled because she saw someone she hadn't seen in a whille and therefore she hung out with them instead and never called that night until late. If she didn't want to hang out she shouldn't have made plans. Now I see on facebook all the time that she invites everyone to her apt. and to hang out but me it seems. But then occasionally she'll write me on FB saying "Hey, just wanted to say how much I love and miss you!" I just don't get it. But maybe I don't know the whole story or something.

    Anyway I know how you feel!

  2. rob62521 Says:

    nmboone: it hurts when folks treat you that way, doesn't it? Maybe someday these people will realize how hurtful they are.

  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    That was the advice? How about just asking what the heck is going on? It seems like a conversation would be warranted before dropping them like a hot potato. Though I totally understand not wanting to bring it up and just no longer inviting them over. I just don't think "no longer being friends" is the greatest advice, unless they are just terrible friends in general.

  4. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Perhaps next time you all discuss getting together just say "how about we meet at your house this time? What can I bring?"

  5. MonkeyMama Says:

    wow - that's totally how I would approach it! Bring it up in a non-confrontational way.

  6. whitestripe Says:

    maybe next time you hear them going on about throwing dinner parties for other people, you should just pipe up and say something like 'wow, that sounds amazing. totally having dinner at your place next time!'
    just drop general hints about it.
    also, have you thought that maybe it actually places a lot of stress on them and they really LIKE going to your house for dinner? i only say this because hosting dinner parties certainly stresses me out. I work with food, so it is really a big deal for me to cook for my friends, I would be horrified if they didn't like it.

  7. HouseHopeful Says:

    If its something that bothers you and you really are friends, you could always broach the subject. Next time they mention an awesome dinner in at their place or some new addition to their decor, let them know you'd like to see it and its been a long time since you've been to their place. Or just outright ask why they never invite you over.

  8. Jerry Says:

    It's always odd to read that other may people have the same situations happen to them, isn't it? Frankly, I think these people sound like rather crappy "friends," but it could be worth broaching the topic in a laid back way. If they don't reciprocate, then it would lead me to ask what, exactly, the relationship is bringing to the table in the first place. Decent friendships should offer some insurance of good feelings and happiness, not feelings of hurt.

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